I want to remember

Dear Noah,

You are 4 years old now. No longer a baby, but not quite the big boy that you promise you are. You are amazing, and funny, social and loving. You are an amazing big brother to Juliana. You cry when she gets hurt and dont let her walk out into a parking lot without holding your hand. You love science, talk nonstop about the planets in the solar system and love to sing songs that you've learned at school. Your best friend doesnt talk. You dont care. You take care of him just like you take care of Juliana. You talk nonstop, enough for everyone. You literally fall asleep talking at night and wake up with so much to say. We often laugh about you filling every silence with your words. I remember a time when I wondered if you would ever learn to talk. You are a bundle of energy, full of terrible knock-knock jokes that you make up on the fly. You are so inquisitive, for everything we tell you, theres a "Why" that goes with it. Your imagination is phenomenal and your astound your teachers with the things you say. You know your alphabet, can write most of the letters and you are starting to put sounds with the letters. Its a work in progress. You write your name well, know your address, phone number, and what to do if approached by a stranger. My heart broke today when you came home from school and told me someone didnt want to play with you because you had a "boo-boo" on your face. You are so worthy. You are worthy of amazing friends that love you, that inspire you, that change your life. I cannot tell you this enough. I hope I do enough for you. I hope you remember me with fond thoughts, even when I lose my temper. Even when I yell and  react. Please have an open heart and remember the golden rule. Its okay not to fit in and not everyone is going to like you. Treat them well anyway. Remember that you are loved, that you are special and very much wanted.

Love always, Mommy.



Dear Juliana,

You are three years old, but I often see you as being much younger. I think you are okay with that. You tell me on an almost daily basis that you dont want to grow up. You love to be held, sleep in the bed with us, and are a super snuggler. You are a free spirit, love dresses and refuse to wear pants most days. You dont like wearing bows in your hair and almost always pull them out after we drop you off at school. You dont care for dolls, and its hard for me not to buy you dolls as I loved them as a child. You recently gave yourself quite a drastic haircut and now your hair is very short. You play with everyone but are not as social. You take longer to warm up and are known for "the face" when someone you arent familiar with speaks to you. Noah is your best friend, and you often tell me that Im your best friend as well. Of course, thats when Daddy isnt around. You love to take dance and "twirl like a ballerina" but I think you have your own agenda when you go. You love watching Hello Kitty, hate brushing your teeth, love spaghetti and any kind of meat. And your chocolate milk, we cant forget the chocolate milk. You are bossy and we often have to laugh at some of the sassy things you say to us, secretly of course. You can identify all the letters of the alphabet and recently learned how to write your name. That too, is a work in progress. I have my coworkers and patients asking me what the Juliana story of the day is. You have made sandwiches for yourself at the ripe old age of 2, cut your hair, glued school papers to the wall with a glue stick, drawn fantastic murals on the wall, thrown a dozen eggs out the shopping cart one by one when my back was turned, used finger nail polish to paint your body, dressed the cat up and put soap in the fish bowl (Thank goodness Howard has 9 lives). Sometimes when I come home in the morning from work, I scoop you up in my arms and just hold you while you sleep. I press my face into your warm neck and think of how lucky we are to have such a wonderful gift. What did we ever do to deserve you or your brother. Always remember that you are beautiful and you grow more and more beautiful every day. Never be afraid to be yourself. I will be your biggest fan. There will always be critics but you will always find love here.

With all my love, Mommy.

Noah at 4 1/2 years...

What is your favorite color? Blue and green. Both.

What is your favorite toy? My favorite toy is the one with Woody sitting in it. The one that makes a sound when I shake it. But it doesnt make a sound. Even when I turn it to on.

What is your favorite fruit? Watermelon. Watermelon is fruit. And tomatoes.

What is your favorite TV show? Spongebob Squarepants and Moose A. Moose- well, that kind. I like it so much I like to watch it all the time.

What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? My sandwich at school.

What is your favorite outfit? My skateboard shirt and my gray pants.

What is your favorite game? I like the copy game. Where you say something and the person copies what you say. Like I say "Blah" and Daddy says "Blah".

What is your favorite snack? Popcorn at school that my class brings me

What is your favorite animal? Lizards! I love them!

What is your favorite song? Fruit of the spearmints! (Fruit of the spirits) and Moves like Jagger.

What is your favorite book? My favorite book is the books at school. My favorite book is "No David!." you know, the one at school.

Who is your best friend? Christopher. I play with him a lot on the playground. So much.

What is your favorite cereal? Lucky charms.

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Go out and play with my scooter and my bike.

What is your favorite drink? The chocolate milk that we got with Kayla.

What is your favorite holiday? Halloween. Because you get candy.

What do you like to take with you to bed at night? My dragon and my smurf and Alvin but Alvin's clothes fell off. Remember, he has a dress with a "A" on it but its not pink. Its just red. Like blood is red.

What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? A healthy chocolate milk and cereal.

What do you want for dinner on your next birthday? Fruit salad. You take broccoli and some fruit and some celery and uh, then you stir it. Then put some cream inside. Thats all. (Ewwwww?)

What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a science man. That does science. Like a scientist. 

Juliana at 3 years...

I found this questionnaire on Pinterest.com (my current obsession) consisting of twenty questions to be asked every year on or right before their birthdays so you can see how much kids change from year to year. Im a bit late on this. Six months late to be exact but better late than never. They change so much Im sure their answers will be much different in 6 months. Since Juliana is still awake tonight (wayyy after bedtime, as usual) I decided to go ahead and ask her the questions.

What is your favorite color? Ummm... purple.

What is your favorite toy? Unicorns and my Wobby. And my Lenny. (Wobby and Lenny are her stuffed lamb and giraffe).

What is your favorite fruit? Apples. I mean bananas. Or maybe an orange.

What is your favorite TV show? Princess and the Frog. and Rapunzel. and Beauty and the Beast.

What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? Pisghetti (Spaghetti) and fruit.

What is your favorite outfit? My cheerleader outfit. Skirts and shirts. Not leggings. Not jeans.

What is your favorite game? Dora the Explorer on leapster

What is your favorite snack? Popcorns

What is your favorite animal? Unicorns. Purple Unicorns. Not Kitties.

What is your favorite song? Beauty and the Beast song.

What is your favorite book? My princess book. But I lost it. Daddy, wheres my Princess book?

Who is your best friend? Noah. Actually Dane.

What is your favorite cereal? Raisin cereal

What is your favorite thing to do outside? Run and jump and hop. And dig in the dirt with shovels.

What is your favorite drink? Chocolate milk

What is your favorite holiday? Christmas and Halloween

What do you like to take with you to bed at night? My Lenny and all my toys. And "Kanket" but I lost it. ("Kanket" is her pink blanket she's had since birth).

What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Pancakes and brownies (Where'd she get those brownies, eh daddy?)

What do you want for dinner on your next birthday? Cake!

What do you want to be when you grow up? A cheerleader with the Gamecocks with pom poms. 2 pom poms.

Making a memory

I held my little girl a little longer and a little tighter tonight as I rubbed her back as she drifted off to sleep. I put her to bed ten minutes earlier and swore that I wasnt going back in her room, part of her new bedtime training (yes, training my 2 1/2 year old that tries to stay up until midnight night after night). I tried to ignore the "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy..." I heard coming from behind the closed door of her room. I buckled. I found myself sitting in her tiny toddler bed with her sweet face pressed against my cheek and her arms around my neck. Im so in love with a tiny 2 1/2 year old girl. I cant help it, I want to hold onto these moments, when I am still allowed to rub her back and rock her to sleep. My heart hurts knowing that she is growing up, that they are growing up so fast, changing from month to month in pictures and becoming more independent. The thought of my little girl one day not wanting her Mommy to hold her breaks my heart. I breathe her in, the smell of her hair, the softness of her cheek, her warm little body in my arms. I try to freeze this moment in my memory. This moment and many others.

Juliana is outspoken (for a 2 year old), animated, and not necessarily even tempered. Shes tiny and cuddly, lover of her 2 "cankets" and toter of all things stuffed and furry (right now her sheep and her kitten that she weaseled out of her daddy). Shes bossy and gets into quite a bit of trouble on a daily basis. She feeds whole loaves of bread to the dogs, dumps out boxes of cereal, pours shampoo in the cats dish, uses sharpie markers to decorate the house, and escapes from the house during "naptime" only to ring the doorbell when ready to come back inside. She still isnt a fan of sleeping, can throw one pretty mean fit, and loves her chocolate milk. She loves her preschool, names the little ones in her class she plays with everyday and loves her teacher, "Miss Sherie."

And my son, my firstborn is now 3 1/2. He has already lost his baby curls and some of the baby softness. He talks a mile a minute, is quite often a superhero of some sorts, and has quite the vivid imagination. He brings us blankets and towels to tie around his shoulders and both kids run around saving the world. I am so proud of him. I love it when he tries to use big words "I am so frus-er-ated right now!" and my heart is heavy when he comes home sad because the bigger boys at school told him he couldnt play with them. He can proudly write his name and wield a sword. He adores his new school and his teachers are his best friends. He makes us stop at the end of the hall and proudly walks to class by his self with his head held high. He is sensitive and insanely sweet, the first one to cry, and protector of his little sister. He changed my life 3 1/2 years ago, for the better.

I hope they will realize one day how much they are loved and adored, how special they are to us and how thankful we are that they are in our lives.

Disappointment.

Have you ever felt just so utterly disappointed in someone or something? I have felt completely frustrated and disappointed lately.

Noah came home from daycare last Wednesday with a bite mark on his face. Not a bite from a child, but a bite from a dog. He came home with a red, swollen nose and some marks on his face. We asked him what happened and he said "The dog bit me. Hailey bit me." The dogs name is Hailey. She is the owners dog and is quite frequently there. And no, its not against the law for a dog to be at a daycare. I checked on that one. What makes me the most angry, is not that a dog bit him, but that they tried to hide it. There was no phone call, no note, no one mentioned it as he was being picked up from school. No incident report for us to sign. Not even a "boo boo" report. I was livid. Absolutely livid. This happens after I give so many referals about this new daycare, after I raved about it. I was excited about this place. I felt at peace with my kids being there. I feel so disappointed now. I feel so frustrated. How do you find quality care for your children, with people that you can trust 100% with your child when you cannot afford to provide that care yourself? The owner acknowledged that she knew what happened. Angry... Fortunatly, the bite wasnt bad at all and by the time I took these pictures that evening, the swelling had all but subsided.

But enough of that. Im working on forgiveness.

So what did we do this weekend?! See if you can tell.

If you guessed that Noah finally got a haircut, then you guessed right. On a whim I decided to take Noah to get his hair chopped off. It grows fast and I just wanted to see what he would look like with short hair and I was so very tired of battling it out with his curly locks. I love his curls (I really do) but now that he is getting older and his hair is getting less curly and thicker, I am constantly having to do something with his hair. I wash his hair in the morning (every morning if nothing else but to wet it down) and put both hair serum in it and gel. Otherwise, its a poofy mess all day. Like a Ronald McDonald mess. And after he wakes up from his naps, well poofy mess returns. Anyway- so far Im kind of diggin it. He looks like a completely different kid. Older maybe. Still a cutie pie. I am kind of missing his curls...

Finishing up with a little trip to the boardwalk.

I think by the end of the day, Juliana had enough.

Ch Ch Ch Changes...

Sheesh, its been forever since I blogged. Its been forever since I even had the opportunity to blog (or watch tv, or get my hair done or clean more than a fraction of the house at the same time, or take a shower... ok kidding on the later.). But I didnt want to totally neglect this blog. Well, any more than Ive already neglected it. And besides, I finally have a new laptop to use and I absolutely LOVE it and might as well get a little use out of it. Its kind of nice not having to hold in the charger or hold up the screen with one hand while typing. Ive had some bad luck with laptops, Im just sayin'.

Im now back at work playing nurse 5 nights a week. The kids started "school" in December the week I started work and two months later, they started a new daycare (Today actually). Noah is 2 1/2 and Juliana is already 19 months. Its hard for me to fathom that Juliana is mere months away from being two. Especially since shes still such a teeny tiny little thing. And Noah is creeping towards three? Youve got to be kidding me!

Going to work wasnt as horrible as I just knew it was going to be. The first two weeks were the hardest and even though I crave the idea of being home with my children, Im trying to stay positive about this new season of my life. Daycare has really been an experience. We chose the wrong daycare for the kids the first time around and I really wish we had done more shopping around. It ended up being a terrible experience leaving my two year old terrified. I had a feeling something wasnt quite right at the daycare that he was at. I couldnt put my finger on it but I just knew something was very, very wrong. Its a mothers intuition. We finally ended up pulling them out after we realized there really was a very big problem in Noah's classroom and the kids stayed home with me for a short while. I was exhausted keeping the kids during the day and going to work at night. Today they started a new daycare in the area. We've visited a few times and let the kids get warmed up and they ended up having a great first day. I picked the kids up this afternoon and I was relieved... so very relieved. I NEED to know that my kids are in good hands. I never knew that I would be quite so hyper or anal as a mother. But Ive become very particular about my kids. Rightly so.

The kids (and Allen) heading in the building for their first day of their new school today:

Im going to really try to update more often. If nothing else but for my own memories. I still devotedly read blogs every single day and will try to become a little more active in the blogging community. Keyword: Try ;)

The importance of rear facing

I wanted to share this video with those with small children that havent seen this yet. It just may save a life.