Making a memory

I held my little girl a little longer and a little tighter tonight as I rubbed her back as she drifted off to sleep. I put her to bed ten minutes earlier and swore that I wasnt going back in her room, part of her new bedtime training (yes, training my 2 1/2 year old that tries to stay up until midnight night after night). I tried to ignore the "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy..." I heard coming from behind the closed door of her room. I buckled. I found myself sitting in her tiny toddler bed with her sweet face pressed against my cheek and her arms around my neck. Im so in love with a tiny 2 1/2 year old girl. I cant help it, I want to hold onto these moments, when I am still allowed to rub her back and rock her to sleep. My heart hurts knowing that she is growing up, that they are growing up so fast, changing from month to month in pictures and becoming more independent. The thought of my little girl one day not wanting her Mommy to hold her breaks my heart. I breathe her in, the smell of her hair, the softness of her cheek, her warm little body in my arms. I try to freeze this moment in my memory. This moment and many others.

Juliana is outspoken (for a 2 year old), animated, and not necessarily even tempered. Shes tiny and cuddly, lover of her 2 "cankets" and toter of all things stuffed and furry (right now her sheep and her kitten that she weaseled out of her daddy). Shes bossy and gets into quite a bit of trouble on a daily basis. She feeds whole loaves of bread to the dogs, dumps out boxes of cereal, pours shampoo in the cats dish, uses sharpie markers to decorate the house, and escapes from the house during "naptime" only to ring the doorbell when ready to come back inside. She still isnt a fan of sleeping, can throw one pretty mean fit, and loves her chocolate milk. She loves her preschool, names the little ones in her class she plays with everyday and loves her teacher, "Miss Sherie."

And my son, my firstborn is now 3 1/2. He has already lost his baby curls and some of the baby softness. He talks a mile a minute, is quite often a superhero of some sorts, and has quite the vivid imagination. He brings us blankets and towels to tie around his shoulders and both kids run around saving the world. I am so proud of him. I love it when he tries to use big words "I am so frus-er-ated right now!" and my heart is heavy when he comes home sad because the bigger boys at school told him he couldnt play with them. He can proudly write his name and wield a sword. He adores his new school and his teachers are his best friends. He makes us stop at the end of the hall and proudly walks to class by his self with his head held high. He is sensitive and insanely sweet, the first one to cry, and protector of his little sister. He changed my life 3 1/2 years ago, for the better.

I hope they will realize one day how much they are loved and adored, how special they are to us and how thankful we are that they are in our lives.

Disappointment.

Have you ever felt just so utterly disappointed in someone or something? I have felt completely frustrated and disappointed lately.

Noah came home from daycare last Wednesday with a bite mark on his face. Not a bite from a child, but a bite from a dog. He came home with a red, swollen nose and some marks on his face. We asked him what happened and he said "The dog bit me. Hailey bit me." The dogs name is Hailey. She is the owners dog and is quite frequently there. And no, its not against the law for a dog to be at a daycare. I checked on that one. What makes me the most angry, is not that a dog bit him, but that they tried to hide it. There was no phone call, no note, no one mentioned it as he was being picked up from school. No incident report for us to sign. Not even a "boo boo" report. I was livid. Absolutely livid. This happens after I give so many referals about this new daycare, after I raved about it. I was excited about this place. I felt at peace with my kids being there. I feel so disappointed now. I feel so frustrated. How do you find quality care for your children, with people that you can trust 100% with your child when you cannot afford to provide that care yourself? The owner acknowledged that she knew what happened. Angry... Fortunatly, the bite wasnt bad at all and by the time I took these pictures that evening, the swelling had all but subsided.

But enough of that. Im working on forgiveness.

So what did we do this weekend?! See if you can tell.

If you guessed that Noah finally got a haircut, then you guessed right. On a whim I decided to take Noah to get his hair chopped off. It grows fast and I just wanted to see what he would look like with short hair and I was so very tired of battling it out with his curly locks. I love his curls (I really do) but now that he is getting older and his hair is getting less curly and thicker, I am constantly having to do something with his hair. I wash his hair in the morning (every morning if nothing else but to wet it down) and put both hair serum in it and gel. Otherwise, its a poofy mess all day. Like a Ronald McDonald mess. And after he wakes up from his naps, well poofy mess returns. Anyway- so far Im kind of diggin it. He looks like a completely different kid. Older maybe. Still a cutie pie. I am kind of missing his curls...

Finishing up with a little trip to the boardwalk.

I think by the end of the day, Juliana had enough.

Ch Ch Ch Changes...

Sheesh, its been forever since I blogged. Its been forever since I even had the opportunity to blog (or watch tv, or get my hair done or clean more than a fraction of the house at the same time, or take a shower... ok kidding on the later.). But I didnt want to totally neglect this blog. Well, any more than Ive already neglected it. And besides, I finally have a new laptop to use and I absolutely LOVE it and might as well get a little use out of it. Its kind of nice not having to hold in the charger or hold up the screen with one hand while typing. Ive had some bad luck with laptops, Im just sayin'.

Im now back at work playing nurse 5 nights a week. The kids started "school" in December the week I started work and two months later, they started a new daycare (Today actually). Noah is 2 1/2 and Juliana is already 19 months. Its hard for me to fathom that Juliana is mere months away from being two. Especially since shes still such a teeny tiny little thing. And Noah is creeping towards three? Youve got to be kidding me!

Going to work wasnt as horrible as I just knew it was going to be. The first two weeks were the hardest and even though I crave the idea of being home with my children, Im trying to stay positive about this new season of my life. Daycare has really been an experience. We chose the wrong daycare for the kids the first time around and I really wish we had done more shopping around. It ended up being a terrible experience leaving my two year old terrified. I had a feeling something wasnt quite right at the daycare that he was at. I couldnt put my finger on it but I just knew something was very, very wrong. Its a mothers intuition. We finally ended up pulling them out after we realized there really was a very big problem in Noah's classroom and the kids stayed home with me for a short while. I was exhausted keeping the kids during the day and going to work at night. Today they started a new daycare in the area. We've visited a few times and let the kids get warmed up and they ended up having a great first day. I picked the kids up this afternoon and I was relieved... so very relieved. I NEED to know that my kids are in good hands. I never knew that I would be quite so hyper or anal as a mother. But Ive become very particular about my kids. Rightly so.

The kids (and Allen) heading in the building for their first day of their new school today:

Im going to really try to update more often. If nothing else but for my own memories. I still devotedly read blogs every single day and will try to become a little more active in the blogging community. Keyword: Try ;)

The importance of rear facing

I wanted to share this video with those with small children that havent seen this yet. It just may save a life.

On being crafty

Ive never considered myself crafty. I'm surprised I passed home ec. I don't sew, didn't cook (working on this one), and sure as heck never made hair bows before. It took me a year to finally get a little crafty and decide to stop buying bows for Juliana and give making them myself a real shot. Really, the prices for one bow at a boutique are incredibly rid-donk-ulous. Ive paid upwards of $10 for a large bow and Juliana takes it and throws it out of her hair when I'm not looking and it gets lost forever. I was faced with a situation recently of either cutting Juliana's bangs or finding a better way to keep her hair out of her eyes. Being a tad opposed to bangs myself as I'm a little scarred from having the most unattractive bangs growing up (Thanks Mom!), I decided that Id either have to go buy her more bows or make them myself. So, I took a little trip to hobby lobby a couple of days ago and bought an assortment of ribbon and alligator clips (and they were having a 50% off sale on all ribbon... score!). Last night I decided to put what I bought to good use, watched two YouTube videos (so of course I'm an expert now and everything) and gave it a go. I stayed up until 3am and by the time I went to bed, I had made 30 bows. I'm excited to say the least. Some of them turned out a little rough, but I made about 3 that look pretty darn cute. 3 out of 30.. not bad right? Actually... I have no idea what I'm doing.

So here's the finished product. Don't laugh at any of them... its a work in progress!

Needless to say, any tips one has to offer on bow making... or anything cute and crafty (Id like to make Juliana a tutu next. Or maybe headbands), I would certainly appreciate it.

I love having a little girl to dress up.

Rambling on...

Gosh, it seems I never just blog for the sake of blogging anymore. Which I miss. I really miss laying in bed at night and recounting my day. There is just so much that you forget when you dont write it down. Especially me. I do believe I have the absolute worst memory. Maybe not. But it soo feels like it sometimes. I cant remember half the time what I ate for dinner the night before or the name of the people in my classes in school. Anyway...

So a year after I had Juliana (A year and 2 months EXACTLY... ya know, to be exact and all) I am still at home. I have LOVED spending this past year with my children. Ive said it so many times, but I missed out on so much of Noah's first year. And they change so very much in those first twelve months.. Everyday they do something new and I missed quite a lot of that. Working as I nurse, I would leave for work around 6:15 or 6:30 at the latest, before Noah got up for the day. Every day before I left for work I'd tiptoe in Noah's room and make sure he was covered up and rub his head for a minute before leaving. I didnt get off work until 7:30 pm and that had to be one heck of an awesome day because I think I only left twice at 7:30. Most times I left around 8:00 or 8:30 and many nights I had to stay much, much later. Noah was already in bed by then and once again, I would have to tiptoe in, make sure he was covered up, rub his little head, and that was it. Noah of course was his dad's little boy which is great. But I remember one night I came home a little early from work and Noah was still awake. He looked at me and cried. He cried! Not because he wanted me to pick him up but because I was a stranger to him. I was working 5 days a week, atleast 13 hour days and slept a good piece of the day that I was off. I didnt want that to ever happen again. I want to raise my children, I dont want daycare to raise them. I want to potty train my child. Not the teacher at daycare. I want to be there for all their firsts. I dont want to hear it from someone else...

That being said, I know that in order for my family to move forward, the time has come (badum dee dum...) for me to go back to work (though Ive said it before, the time has REALLY come). Ive applied for jobs, spruced up my resume and I'm waiting on a callback. Please pray. My nerves are, at times, on the verge of being shot. The idea of dropping my kids off at daycare and listening to them cry (especially Juliana... Noah warms up quickly) kills me. Though I dread it, I am also excited about this new chapter in my life. I cant wait to stop struggling AS MUCH as we do now. I owe that to my family. I owe it to them to find a job where they can have health insurance (as opposed to right now). I have applied for jobs outside of the hospital setting. While I LOVED (Loved, loved, LOVED, L O V E D!) my friends and coworkers at Trident (Did I mention LOVE) I dont feel like I can go back to being a floor nurse. The daily codes, the MRSA, crash carts, IV pumps, chest tubes, ventilators... nothing I miss. Ive applied at a few rehabilitation centers in the area for third shift (would prefer 1st but there were no openings).

Im ready to get the ball rolling on buying a house and helping to provide for a "better" life for my family. Though, I dont want to forget all my lessons in thriftyness that Ive learned in the past year (and 2 months). Before taking this past year off (and definitely before I started buying my own groceries) Id throw whatever in the shopping cart. Id go for the name brands, the flashy packages. I wouldnt take the time to compare prices and I definitely would not look in the newspaper for deals so that I could price match at Walmart. Anytime I go to the store, I now think on a budget. I dont want to forget that. I dont want to stop asking myself "Do we REALLY need this?"

So ready for new changes, but so not ready to let my children go... *sigh*

To end, I just wanted to post a few recent pictures from a recent mini vacation we went on during labor day weekend to visit the kids grandparents (and my Ma and Pa-in law) at a camground they were staying at. It was great seeing them and I know it was a good change of scenery for all of us. Juliana was quite the little fuss bucket and erupted a shiny new toofy the day after we left.

You know, one of the first things Id like to spend money on after I go back to work is a real vacation for my husband and myself. Thinking now... we've never been on a real vacation together. Things to consider!!

Trip to the State House

Today we decided to drive to downtown Columbia and see what all we could get into with the kids. Our first stop was the State House grounds where we ran into (almost literally) what seemed like hundreds of (very tame) birds and squirrels. They would come right up to your feet and even try to eat out of your hand... the kids got a big kick out of getting so close to these animals. A guy walking by gave us a handful of roasted peanuts to feed the squirrels and we soon found out that the birds were pretty fond of the gerber graduate little puffs we had in the diaper bag for Juliana. We finished up there by letting the kids climb up the State House steps (allll thoseee stepsss... whew!).

We rounded out our trip by walking a few blocks down to visit USC (Memories... ). We spent a lot of time walking around reminiscing about our old school days and where we took our classes at. And all the walking we had to do while we were there. I remember it taking me 15-20 minutes to walk from one class to the other. Allen of course reminds me every time that he has me beat as he had to walk at least that far carrying an upright bass for school (taller than he is, mind you!). Oh the good ol' days. They were good then, and they are good now.

And yes, we forgot Juliana's shoes. She didn't mind. ;-)